I have a lot of talents but none of them are really useful.

I am really good in making fun of people dancing.
I invented like ten emoticons.
I can walk up and down an escalator in like two seconds.
I can fit my body into small spaces.
I can instantly tell whether someone is fat or pregnant, with 60 percent accuracy.
I can sneak three dogs into a movie theatre.
I can convince my grandmother that I'm not real.
I can win a staring contest with a cat.
I can make every security guard suspicious of me.
I can convince my mom that I'm adopted.

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